dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
