This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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