Can Purell be used as lube?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I love having hate sex.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
