big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
