im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
