oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I could make wine with my vomit
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
