so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
