We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Randomize
