Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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