Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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