I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
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I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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