her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
