3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
