Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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