wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i love accidental penises.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
