Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
