i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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