Kiss
Puke
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
