dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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