Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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