im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
