You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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