Umm I'm too high to move.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
you mean i was at the winter classic?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
