She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
