She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Success! We fucked roommates!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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