Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
50% drunk capacity currently
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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