do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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