just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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