So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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