Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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