how can u be prego again
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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