Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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