operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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