you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
