Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
