At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
it was like eating out sand paper
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
