You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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