thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
