I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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