I'd wear matching sweaters with you
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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