I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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