Moan for me like Helen Keller
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
