so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
