I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
