I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
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Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
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