she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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