I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
