I love black thongs
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
