i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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