There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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