I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
