omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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