We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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