chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
