you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
