Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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