I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
