Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
