Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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